Few months ago, my girlfriend and I broke up, after a 8-year relationship. That was hard but it was a mutual decision, and we're good now (thanks for asking).

Because staying alone during a long period is hard for me, I installed dating apps.
I've never been good at dating apps, I don't get a lot of matches, I don't know how to start or maintain a conversation and I'm afraid of dating.

So this time I activated the "try-hard mode" to improve my chances of having dates and be good during them. Here is some things I understood based on my researches on dating apps and on my "tiny" experience.

Express your expectations as soon as possible

You could think that hiding your expectations can help you getting dates. But having dates that don't work because "expectations are not the same" is way more painful and energy-draining than not having dates at all.

If you just want sex, say it (in an appropriate way). If you want something serious, say it. If you have well-defined criteria, write it in your description. This will save you time, energy and self-confidence.

If it's not in your description, a random sentence like "Just for you to know, I'm not looking for anything serious right now. I prefer to tell you so there is no expectation :)" is best for both.

Study and listen to the algorithm

That is unfair but on most of the dating apps, if you don't respect some "implicit rules", your profile will be kinda shadow-banned.

Be academic. fill in your profile > 90%. By the way, this also helps your matches having conversation hooks when you both don't know how to re-start / continue the conversation.
Be picky. If you swipe to the right all the time, the algorithm will tag you as "thirsty person" (and you are, don't lie) and will put you at the "bottom of the basket", which means that some "pretty" profiles will never see you. Choose wisely, and if you hesitate, swipe left.

On pictures: don't hide the real "you"

Physical aspect is one of the most important criteria in dating, even if you think that you're not "superficial" or whatever.

Don't hide the real yourself. The worst effect you can give to the other person during a date is them being surprised because you're not like the pictures (or the description).

Put at least 5 pictures, in different contexts. It's important, to avoid this "bad surprise" effect during the date. Here is my configuration: 2-3 "profile pictures", 1 picture with friends, 1 picture with your whole body. Some people also add a picture with an activity they like (chess, climbing, traveling).

Put the best picture one on first, and the second best one on last. On last because when they will look at your profile, they will stop to the last one and read the description with your last picture on top.

Don't use filters or too zoomed pictures. If you think you're not beautiful, that you're too fat or too skinny, this technic will only help you getting more matches. But once dating, this will create a big disappointment in the eye of the other one. And you don't want that. There are enough people in this world. You'll find someone that doesn't care about your weight or specific physical traits you have.

Ask your friends feedbacks on your profile.

Having several dating apps is very useful, but not for what you think

To compare: Some apps are better than others, depending on what you're looking for. After few days/weeks, you will identify which ones work better for you. Here is the apps I installed and my ranking after few weeks: (1st) Tinder, Bumble, Fruitz and Happn.

Swiping addiction: When you get into dating apps, you have a new addiction coming, the "swapping addiction". Because it creates some dopamine, your brain will ask for it. However, the algorithm is very sensitive to this "swiping ratio". If you swipe too much, you'll go to the "thirsty" category (again?). When you just want to swipe, do it on the "less efficient" app. I personally use Fruitz and Happn when I just want to swipe. From what I read, swiping 2 times 5-10 minutes during the day is the best for the algorithm. More than that is too much.

For "training purpose": the more apps you have, the more matches you have. Because you won't be good at flirting/talking in the beginning, you need to train. When you "just want to train", talk with your least interesting matches.

When you're in lack of confidence: Don't answer to important conversations when you're lacking confidence in yourself

Ask for feedback to your previous dates

If the date wasn't incredible and you know that there won't be another date, just ask for feedbacks! Here is a sentence I used to ask: "Sounds kinda weird but can I get some honest feedback on the date haha? Like when we [blabla] and after [blabla]. What did you think? :)". You think it's weird? Well, the worst that you can get it "not having an answer".

My first date wasn't incredible. I asked for feedback and what I got is "you were not really flirting, we were talking like colleagues" and "you asked to split the bill (at the restaurant), that's a red flag for me". That taught me 3 things: "true, this is a date, so I shouldn't friendzone the other person", "I'm not interested in girls that act like princesses and want me to pay the bill" and "going in a restaurant for a first date is probably not a good idea".

For my second date, I was flirting a bit more and… it worked! 👀